i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
