She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
