Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
