new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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