So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
