Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
