marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
