I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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