like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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