Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
