Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
