who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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