i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
