i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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