lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
