Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
