I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
