While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
