Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
