My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
