i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
