Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
