I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
