First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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