1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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