Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
