Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
