i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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