I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
