I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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