Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
