Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize