At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I just put wine in my tea
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Randomize
