no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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