Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
