Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
