I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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