OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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