I wish my penis had an off switch
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
