Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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