Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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