Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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