are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
