No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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