somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Duck Duck Cougar?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
