he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
