i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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