i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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