So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
