Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
