that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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