I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
