I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
