Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After last night, I could never be a politician.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
