I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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