possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
