Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
