OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
