So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
