I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
