i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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