handjob tips. give me some.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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