i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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