my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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