He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
