You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
