this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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