So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
