Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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