she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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