The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
