I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
